Saturday, October 31, 2015

Smile

“Be the reason someone smiles today.”
I want to be the reason, and I want to make others happy. The easiest way to make someone else smile is to offer your smile first.

This year I am traveling to Tanzania to offer my smile. In Tanzania we will be teaching kids in the classroom and participating in home visits with the students. The children in Tanzania deserve smiles, hugs, kisses, education, comfort, and kindness. I want to go to Africa to give all I have to these children. I am going to open up my heart and my mind to everyone I encounter. On this trip my goal is to create bonds with the people we will be working with and to make a lasting impact on their lives. Although I am the one “teaching” these kids, after traveling to Cambodia, I now know that I will learn just as much from the kids as I can hope to teach them. In Cambodia I learned about love and happiness. I learned that joy is always possible and love can, and should be, shared with everyone all the time. I hope that in Tanzania I learn more about myself and more about life.

In my everyday life I am presented with millions of reasons to smile. Hockey. This sport never ceases to excite me. I love it so much because it’s a mental game that is fast, involved, physical, and team-oriented. My girls hockey team has played together for four years and we have become a family. It’s an amazing group of people who are all supportive, loving, accepting, and hard working. They inspire me to push myself and I am always willing to play for my teammates. This year, I am playing with a girls and a boys U14 Vail Mountaineer Hockey Club team. I also play soccer with Vail Valley Soccer Club and will play for Eagle Valley High School in the spring. Soccer is also a sport that I very much enjoy and am fortunate enough to play with my closest friends.For the past few years I have participated in a Devo snowboarding group. I enjoy being on the mountain with my friends in an active, uncompetitive, and beautiful environment.  

My family can be described by many words, but the one that sums them up the best is inspiring. I strive to be like my mom, dad, and older brother. My parents have shown me what good relationships look like. They are full of loyalty, forgiveness, kindness, sympathy, and most importantly unconditional love. I observe the way my parents treat others and I try to be as kind and friendly as they are. I also analyze the relationships they have with my brother and I. My parents are constantly trying to be close to us and it makes me feel loved and accepted. My brother, Zach, is two years older than me and has influenced me in many ways. He has paved the way in athletics. He plays hockey too and when I was younger I would go to all of his games and watch what he did on the ice. Then the next time I would play, I tried to imitate the things I had watched him do. Similarly I see what he does outside of school and sometimes follow his footsteps. I see how often he does things like work out or do homework and what kinds of results he gets, I can then get an idea of how long I should exercise or study for to reach my personal goals.

My family, passions, and previous trip to Cambodia are all a part of who I am. I am very excited for the opportunity to travel to Tanzania and hope to find myself more on this journey. Most importantly though, I want to be the reason for many smiles in Tanzania.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Courage


Courage. This is the skill I practiced most in Cambodia. It started before I even left the United States. I was scared. Scared to leave everything I have ever known. I thought I would miss my family and was nervous that I wouldn’t create strong bonds with the children. Being away from home forced me to reach out to the kids more and now I know I have a Cambodian family. Being afraid that I wouldn’t connect with the children seems so illogical now. Even if I tried I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from giving or receiving such a natural love. Even though it took courage to leave home, I am so glad that I did and took this opportunity.

It took courage to reach out. At first I wasn’t sure what the kids would think of me if I randomly grabbed their hand and told them I loved them. I thought they might find it odd I would just be cleaning their room when they woke up from their mid day naps. Despite my fear, I still branched out. I told every kid at the orphanage that I loved them. I deloused and bathed them; I did their dishes and laundry. After doing a few of the things I was afraid to do, I found out that the kids were just appreciative and loving. They were thankful for all the labor we did. When I reached out and had a conversation with the kids, it improved my work. I had a discussion with Ravey and I learned so much about her. Knowing who she was, what she used to have, what she has now, and her likes and dislikes made me feel like I knew exactly what she wanted. If I kept in mind what she wanted while I worked I had motivation to work harder and do the work the way they would like. I also know that if I didn’t branch out I never would’ve created such great relationships with the kids. Facing my fear gave me the opportunity to love deeply.

Teaching took courage. Standing in front of a classroom full of students who don’t speak the same language as you is frightening. Knowing that I had to keep everyone’s attention and make sure everyone was engaged the entire lesson made me nervous. I also felt pressure because I knew that I had to teach the kids something and find a way to make sure they understood what I was trying to say. Even so, teaching felt so good. When I started teaching colors in level one, they did not know their colors. They could identify yellow but that’s it. After about thirty minutes of practicing they could point out red, yellow, blue, green, and white. This made me feel so accomplished and happy. I felt accomplished because I could see that I actually taught them something. They developed a new skill because of me. I was happy for them. They learned something they could actually use. In Cambodia if you speak English, you will have many more job opportunities. I was glad that I was helping set them on the right path for a good job, and a better future.

Finally, leaving took the most courage. I love these kids so much and that will never change. While I was hugging Heang he looked up into my eyes and said, “I love you forever.” Looking at his beautiful, brown teary eyes and trying to process his relatable words was overwhelming. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, and was as if the lump in my throat were the size of a baseball. I just wanted to be able to stay at the orphanage and remind the kids that I loved them every single day. Saying goodbye was so hard because I felt so close to the kids and knowing that I would never see them again felt so wrong. People say if you love something, you should let it go. But I didn’t want to let go, I wanted to hold on forever. Leaving took strength and courage, but I love the kids so much that I will never let them out of my heart.

~If you can have courage you can have experiences~

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Happiness and Love

When I decided that I wanted to come to Cambodia it was because I wanted to help. I had and still have a drive to make other people’s lives better. I thought that traveling to a developing country and working with less fortunate children would be a fun way to give. Although, before coming to Cambodia I was unaware that this experience would help me so much. I am helping the kids physically, while they are helping me physiologically. Witnessing everything in Cambodia has put my life into perspective. After seeing the way the kids live, I realized how lucky I am. I can see now that I am fortunate to have a washing machine and clothes dryer. I have taken my air-conditioned house and my soft carpets for granted all my life. Having a varied and large selection of food is not something that everyone has. Living in an area with a trash-free ground and clean air is truly a blessing. My living conditions are fantastic; I am so lucky and now so thankful. In the same way, I have learned that happiness is a choice. No matter how much bad, there is always good. My friend Ravey, who I had a translated conversation with, had a hard story to tell. About two years ago, her father died of high blood pressure so her mother had to start working. Workers in Thailand have higher incomes than workers in Cambodia. Ravey’s mom decided to move herself and her four children to Thailand. They didn’t have passports so they snuck across the border. One day while Ravey and her two older brothers were working, police showed up and discovered that she and her brothers were in the country illegally. Ravey and her brothers were imprisoned for one month. The prison was one big room with about 200 prisoners. According to Ravey they were fed small portions and some people died of malnutrition. After they were released in Cambodia, they snuck back into Thailand where their mom and younger brother awaited them. Ravey, her mother, and her two older brothers had been working for about a year when Ravey’s mother decided that the situation wasn’t working. She thought that Ravey and her younger brother should be in better hands and have access to education. They found a great home. CPO is nice because it gives the kids the chance to attend school. Ravey says that she and her brother are happy now because they have access to good education and are not hungry. After her mother dropped them off at the orphanage, she snuck across the border again to continue working with the older brothers. Ravey was so open about her inspiring story. She told it to me without holding anything back. This made me feel so close to her because in order to share such personal and harsh information you must have a strong relationship. She showed happiness is a choice. Despite all the hardships that girl has faced, she is still so joyful. She greets me every morning with a huge smile and I have never seen her frown. She comes up to me and shouts my name while pulling me into a bear hug. Ravey is so excited and happy all the time, it is truly inspiring. She has taught me that all of my problems are small. That with every challenge there is brightness. Something positive can come from every situation. Ravey was grateful for everything that had happened to her because it got her to a point in her life where she has the chance to go to school. I will take this lesson home with me and apply it in my everyday life. No matter how big my problem feels or how many times I think that bad test score ruined my life I will remember to focus on the bright side. If I want to be happy I can choose to be happy every day. The kids have helped me understand what love is. They have shown me that you don’t need to know someone for a very long time to know that your love is true. I have been shown that if you really love someone, that love should be unconditional. No matter how many mistakes these kids make I will always love them. I have realized that although we don’t speak the same language the children and I understand each other. We don’t need to tell one another we love each other because we already know. You don’t need to talk to someone for hours and hours to know how they feel. You can show your emotions through actions rather than words. They have shown me how real and pure love can be. It can happen so quickly and leave a lasting impact. I will always remember these children and keep them in my heart. I can only hope they will keep me in their hearts too. I have only known these kids for about two weeks, yet I have learned so much from them. I love them more than almost anyone else in the world.

Friday, June 26, 2015

Emotions

Why? Why do people have to live this way? Why aren’t we helping them? Why isn’t anyone else helping them? Why haven’t they picked up some of this trash? These are only a few of the questions I had while I was walking through Andong Village to the preschool. On the way to the preschool, there is trash and dirty water coating the entire ground. If you are not inside it is nearly impossible to take a step without standing on trash. The stench is very strong. People live in small wooden buildings, stuffing as many people as possible into their available space. I cannot imagine living this way, it made me wonder why these people weren’t being helped. I was confused how these living conditions were acceptable. It was very different from the way I have lived my whole life. Then I felt discouraged, it is not fair. No one should have to live like that especially not the people who offer warm smiles to strangers. It seemed so wrong and I even felt guilty because I live so comfortably with almost everything I have ever wanted. I was mad, not at myself, but at the situation because I couldn’t offer anything more than a bright smile and a welcoming wave to these beautiful people. I realized that being angry was illogical because it wasn’t going to make the situation any better. After taking a few moments to calm down I realized I felt sadness. The people living in discomfort and trash made me feel this unexplainable heaviness. It started with my heart. My heart dropped and it became hard to breathe. It then moved to the rest of my body. My limbs were heavy to the point where just taking a step became a struggle. That feeling of being helpless also made me unhappy. When we got to the preschool I felt the way I have felt the majority of this trip; happy. Every time I see the kids at the orphanage, school, or preschool I get a feeling of pure joy. I feel joy in a way I have never experienced before. The kids have eyes that sparkle with great intensity. When they see us arriving at the orphanage their faces light up and they smile wider than I thought possible. This fills me with excitement and happiness daily. Despite anything that might be going on the kids have chosen to live and be present. These kids are so happy and their moods are contagious. Every time I see their faces I can’t keep the smile from spreading ear to ear on my own face. The bonds we have created with the children are like nothing I have ever seen, or been a part of before. There’s this mutual feeling of unconditional love. It’s amazing to me because we are unable to carry out a full conversation, yet I know them all well and would take a bullet for every one of them. The love I share with them is in it’s most pure form and sharing it with them feels so natural. Not only do I feel love for them, I also feel love from them. The way their faces light up when they see us makes me feel so important and cared for. I am very thankful for their happiness. They have taught me that in every situation, no matter how rough, it is always possible to be joyful and share love.

Monday, June 22, 2015

Dancing in the Rain

Dance in the rain. This is what I have been shown how to do so far in Cambodia. First it was literal. While I was still doing manual labor in the heat and the kids were just chilling on the stage it started to rain. At first the rain was light, like a drizzle. Just seeing the rain and thinking about the temperature dropping made me  so happy. My team and I decided that to escape the heat we could  crawl from under the stage and stand in the rain for a few moments. The second I felt the cool drops I knew that a few moments just wouldn’t cut it, it seemed that the other student volunteers had come to the same conclusion. Then the rain got harder and soon everyone looked like they had just jumped out of a pool. The kids started to join us in the rain too. Among others there were games of soccer, volleyball, tag, and monkey in the middle. Just playing with the kids was so much fun and the rain made it even better. I started to think about this too.  Not only were the citizens in Cambodia literally dancing in the rain they were also figuratively dancing and have been for a long time.

It started in 1975 with the Khmer Rouge. When Pol Pot took over and killed 3 million Cambodians it was obvious the storm had come. Many of the 4 million people who weren’t killed are still among us. These people have  learned how to live with what happened to them and their country. I have seen and met survivors of the Khmer Rouge and they are not only surviving, but thriving. Even though the “rain” is present, they are dancing.  The Cambodians I have spent the most time with have proven they can do the same. These kids we’re working with do not have hygienic living conditions. At the orphanage, there is a kitchen, a bathroom for the kids, a bathroom for the adults, a stage, a small farm, and two one room dormitories. The one room buildings surprised me the most. I walked in and within a matter of seconds was significantly hotter than  I was when I was standing outside. The building was made of wood and scrap metal and inside there were several bunk beds and mosquito nets. On either side of the door there are wooden cubbies holding the kids clothes. The girls’ one room living space fits 18 people and the boys’ fits 10. This was crazy to me, as sometimes I feel like my room is small and I don’t have to share with 17 other people. Seeing this made me realize just how privileged I am. As you can tell the living conditions are not ideal yet the kids all seem so happy. They smile and play as if everything were beyond wonderful. This is life and this is all they know. Despite their imperfect conditions they are perfect children who inspire me to dance in the rain.

Friday, May 29, 2015

Almost time!

From learning Khmer, teaching small children to ski, and trying to document my feelings in a blog, getting to this point has been a journey in itself. The parts of this experience that were hard, I thought would be easier, in the same way some things I thought would be more difficult seemed simple. I thought that raising $2,200 would be so challenging. Even after planning out how I would get the money, the amount still seemed overwhelming. Although after a couple months of working, I realized that this goal was easily attainable. I actually learned that fundraising can be fun. Last winter, two 5 year olds from Texas came to Vail to ski.  I helped them on the bunny hill for a weekend and really enjoyed it. They were so fun and eager to learn something new. Similarly, when we got our language sheets I was like "oh no!" I looked at the sheet and didn't even know where to begin; the combinations of letters seemed so unnatural. After a little practice I understood that the memorization of the spellings was not too hard. I still have trouble pronouncing everything, so I think learning the language turned out to be a bit easier than expected, but no walk in the park. Finally what you’re reading; my blogs. Before this experience, I didn't even know what a blog was. I learned that we were expected to keep one and even write a few before the trip. I thought this part would be easy. I just have to follow a guideline like I do every day at school right? Wrong, they want me to write down my feelings. I am not very good at documenting my thoughts and feelings because I don't always understand exactly what I'm feeling. I know I'm nervous but I don't really know why. I know I'm excited but how do I explain that? I found out that putting my feeling into words is so hard. So the blogs turned out to be more difficult than expected. 

I think everyone fears the unknown. I mean how can you not? So yes, I am nervous about going to Cambodia. I am hoping to create strong bonds with the children while I'm there and my biggest fear is that I won't. I feel like in order to make an impact I need to be close to the kids, and if I don't get close to them I won't be able to help. In order to get over that fear, I think I just need to go and put myself out there. Offer everything I have to the kids and maybe they will do the same for me. 

My personal goals for the trip are to grow and change. I want to grow as a person. I am hoping that working with people who have lives so much different from mine will help me understand who I am and how I live. I think this will help me grow. I also know that the kids in Cambodia will know things about the world that I do not, and I think learning these things will help me develop character. In order to grow, I feel like I need to keep my heart and mind open. If I have an open heart and mind I can accept any situation as it comes and learn from it.  Most importantly I want to change. I want to impact the children I work with. I want to make their life better in any way that I can. My main goal is to leave everyone I meet a little bit happier. To achieve this expectation I think I need to give them all the love I have. I need to share everything I can and not hold anything back. I think this will allow me to change them

Monday, March 23, 2015

Living on One Dollar

“Living on One Dollar” is a documentary about four college students, Ryan, Zach, Sean, and Chris, traveling to rural Guatemala and experimenting with living on just $1 a day.
​The quote from the movie that had the greatest impact on me was, “They have so little, yet they give so much.” Zach noticed this early in his journey. This stood out to me because it was the lesson I learned from the movie. Everyone in the area where they were living was in poverty or on the verge of poverty. The citizens did not have much for themselves, but everything they had they were willing to share with others. This I feel is an important lesson, that not everyone around me has been forced to learn. Living in Vail almost everyone is able to rely on their own family for food, water, shelter, protection, education, health and comfort. This way we don’t need our neighbors to survive, so we never learn the importance of sharing. In the area of Guatemala they visited many people who had to choose between education and food or comfort and food. These people were more interdependent on one another and they learned the value of sharing very quickly.

​While the college students were away they struggled against health issues, financial stress, and hunger. These would be very hard conditions to live in. I believe that I could withstand these conditions for a short period of time like one or two months, but not forever. I think that in order for me to stay positive I would need to live with the knowledge that I was going to return to stability in the near future.

I think the most challenging part of living in poverty would be watching everyone around me suffer, and feeling so helpless. If I myself were living in poverty, I would still want desperately to help others out of it, but I would not have the ability to do so. This would be extremely difficult because you and everyone you know and love would be just barely surviving, and there would be little you could do to change the situation. In the documentary, the boys were interviewing Rosa, and she was explaining to them that she wanted to go to school so badly, but didn't have the money to pursue her dream. Just watching this I wanted to help her, so I can’t imagine having this discussion with her. If I were living in poverty and participating in this conversation I would still greatly want to assist her, but it would not be in my power to do so and that would be very tough.

​What I noticed the Guatemalans valued was very different than what I value. I know I value innovation and technology. I, and many others around me, use technology often throughout the day. This has made technology a part of my life, and part of my values. I also value personal control. Being able to control the situations that I am placed in makes me feel comfortable and safe. Although, I noticed the Guatemalan’s in the movie could not even control their salary, so they could not have personal control over something as simple as their paycheck. The people in the film valued something I often take for granted; education. In America, it is a law that everyone must attend school, so we don’t often see it as something to be extremely grateful for; however, in rural Guatemala,education is a ticket out of poverty, so if you have the opportunity to be educated you are very lucky.

​From this documentary I learned to be open minded and be generous. I can apply this to my service trip because I will keep those lessons in mind when I am working in Cambodia. Knowing to be open minded will help me embrace the culture and learn more from the people. If I am open minded after I see what the culture is like I will be fully accepting of what they do and how they do it. After I accept the lifestyle I can practice it more fully. I also understand that when I am generous I can give more. I can give more support, work, and love to the people we are working with. This will be important because the more I give the greater impact I will have.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it


Like Buddha said “There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.” The citizens of Cambodia not only know this saying because of their Buddhist practices, but also because they have been taught this message through actions of their government. 
What is the government like in Cambodia? Cambodia is a constitutional monarchy ruled under the constitution that was  written in 1993. The king, Norodom Sihamoni, is head of the country and is elected by members of the royal family. The premier, Hun Sen, leads the government and is chosen by the head of the National Assembly, then appointed by the king. Although, this is not always how the government was in Cambodia. Between the years 1975 and 1979 Pol Pot, the leader of the Khmer Rouge controlled Cambodia. Before Pol Pot, France had control over Cambodia, so the French government was the Cambodian government. 
The Cambodian citizens were exposed to the evil that the Buddha talks about during the Khmer Rouge. In April of 1975 a Communist party took control of Cambodia. These Communists were very secretive and no one knew who their leaders were. While they were in power the Khmer Rouge showed very little respect for the citizens, tortured thousands of people, and killed close to a third of the Cambodian population. These monstrous people spent four years turning the whole country into a giant detention center.  
The leaders of the Khmer Rouge needed a place to torture the citizens, and they found the perfect place. In the year 1976 Khmer Rouge’s forces turned a high school into a prison and an interrogation center, named S-21 Prison. Between 17,000 and 20,000 people were imprisoned, even though the buildings maximum capacity was only about 1,500 persons. When the prisoners arrived at the building they were photographed and forced to give detailed autobiographies. The prisoners were not allowed to keep any personal belongings. The people held captive were chained to metal bars and could not speak to each other. They slept on the floor without mats, mosquito nets, or blankets. The prisoners received four small spoonfuls of rice porridge and watery soup of leaves twice a day. Drinking water without asking the guards for permission resulted in serious beatings. The inmates were hosed down every four days. The torture system at the prison was designed to make prisoners confess to whatever crimes they were charged with by their captors. Prisoners were routinely beaten and tortured with electric shocks, searing hot metal instruments, and hangings. Some prisoners were cut with knives or suffocated with plastic bags. Other methods for generating confessions included pulling out fingernails while pouring alcohol on the wounds and holding prisoners’ heads under water. Out of the thousands of citizens imprisoned at the S-21 Prison there were only twelve known survivors. As you can see being captured and taken into the prison would be a terrifying and awful experience.
The dead bodies needed a place to go; this is how the killing fields came about. Two to three million people in Cambodia were killed by the Khmer Rouge and buried in the killing fields. The fields were giant pits dug in the ground, stuffed with hundreds of dead bodies, and covered with dirt. The first people who were killed were people with pale skin, smooth hands, or glasses because these are all indications that those people work indoors. If you were caught committing a crime you would be given one warning and then executed. The Khmer Rouge banned religion and split up families. If you were caught practicing religion in a way that the government didn’t approve, or were trying to get back to your family you would be killed. The killing fields were where people went to be executed. Pol Pot, the leader of the Khmer Rouge,didn’t want the civilization to rebel so he killed to gain power, he had power over others because they were afraid of him. Pol Pot also wanted a foolish civilization so that citizens would not question his decisions.
Cambodia’s economic growth has held up well. The unemployment rate is only 0.30%. Poverty in Cambodia has fallen sharply. Cambodia achieved their goal of halving poverty in 2009. The poverty rate was 18.6% in 2012, with almost 3 million poor people and over 8.1 million who are near-poor. About 90% of them live in the countryside. An average Cambodian makes about $1.25 a day.About 40% of children under five-years-old are malnourished and are short for their age. The number of deaths per 100,000 live births decreased from 472 in 2005 to 206 in 2010. The net primary school admission rate increased from 81% in 2001 to 94.3% in 2012. Cambodia still faces a number of development challenges, including effective management of land and natural resources, environmental sustainability, and good governance. 
The main religion in Cambodia is Buddhism. 95% of the population is Buddhist. Buddhists believe in Nirvana. Nirvana is the term used to describe the goal of Buddhist paths. They believe that good karma in your current life will help you have a better after life. They believe when you reach Nirvana you are set free when you die, but if you don’t you keep being reborn. Buddhists also believe in living to give back to others. The three main symbols that represent Buddhism are the wheel, the lotus flower, and the Buddha. The wheel represents reincarnation, the lotus flower represents luck, and the Buddha is their God/leader. Buddhism was brought to Cambodia through Hindu merchants. 
The Cambodian culture is very different from the culture in America. It is believed that the head is sacred because it is the highest part of your body. In the same way it is impolite to point with your feet, because they are the lowest part of your body. You are supposed to sit lower than elders, to show them that you understand they have more power that you. It is common to see people walking around barefoot in the streets. It is polite to remove your shoes and hat indoors. It is rude to expose too much skin or wear excessive amounts of perfume. People should not cross their legs, and men typically show little to no emotion. When you are receiving anything form another person you should grab it with both of your hands. It is respectful to bow in acknowledgement when you meet or greet others. When you are bowing to someone who is your age or younger your hands should be placed at your chest, when you are bowing to someone who is older than you your hands should be placed at your face, when you are bowing to the king or a monk your hands should be placed at your forehead.
My thoughts and feeling about Cambodia vary because this all seems like just a story that would start with long, long ago in a far away world. The history of Cambodia makes me feel lucky. Studying the Khmer Rouge, the S-21 prison, and the killing fields has opened my mind and made me respect the citizens of Cambodia more. The history made me more appreciative for what I have because the people tortured, losing family members, and dying were all much less fortunate than I am. Their daily struggles included starving, being beaten, watching others die, and being torn apart from their own families. Where as, I as a thirteen year old girl living in the Vail Valley bubble, of peace have many of the things they would kill for in arms reach. My daily hardships involve a bad test score, my outfit choice, and the worst slow internet. While my problems are (kind-of) real, put in perspective they are extremely small. I have realized that sometimes it is much easier to just study the world than to interpret it and write down my thoughts or feelings about it. I look forward to being in the country and getting a hands on view of the people, culture, and even history.