Emotions

Why? Why do people have to live this way? Why aren’t we helping them? Why isn’t anyone else helping them? Why haven’t they picked up some of this trash? These are only a few of the questions I had while I was walking through Andong Village to the preschool. On the way to the preschool, there is trash and dirty water coating the entire ground. If you are not inside it is nearly impossible to take a step without standing on trash. The stench is very strong. People live in small wooden buildings, stuffing as many people as possible into their available space. I cannot imagine living this way, it made me wonder why these people weren’t being helped. I was confused how these living conditions were acceptable. It was very different from the way I have lived my whole life. Then I felt discouraged, it is not fair. No one should have to live like that especially not the people who offer warm smiles to strangers. It seemed so wrong and I even felt guilty because I live so comfortably with almost everything I have ever wanted. I was mad, not at myself, but at the situation because I couldn’t offer anything more than a bright smile and a welcoming wave to these beautiful people. I realized that being angry was illogical because it wasn’t going to make the situation any better. After taking a few moments to calm down I realized I felt sadness. The people living in discomfort and trash made me feel this unexplainable heaviness. It started with my heart. My heart dropped and it became hard to breathe. It then moved to the rest of my body. My limbs were heavy to the point where just taking a step became a struggle. That feeling of being helpless also made me unhappy. When we got to the preschool I felt the way I have felt the majority of this trip; happy. Every time I see the kids at the orphanage, school, or preschool I get a feeling of pure joy. I feel joy in a way I have never experienced before. The kids have eyes that sparkle with great intensity. When they see us arriving at the orphanage their faces light up and they smile wider than I thought possible. This fills me with excitement and happiness daily. Despite anything that might be going on the kids have chosen to live and be present. These kids are so happy and their moods are contagious. Every time I see their faces I can’t keep the smile from spreading ear to ear on my own face. The bonds we have created with the children are like nothing I have ever seen, or been a part of before. There’s this mutual feeling of unconditional love. It’s amazing to me because we are unable to carry out a full conversation, yet I know them all well and would take a bullet for every one of them. The love I share with them is in it’s most pure form and sharing it with them feels so natural. Not only do I feel love for them, I also feel love from them. The way their faces light up when they see us makes me feel so important and cared for. I am very thankful for their happiness. They have taught me that in every situation, no matter how rough, it is always possible to be joyful and share love.

Dancing in the Rain

Dance in the rain. This is what I have been shown how to do so far in Cambodia. First it was literal. While I was still doing manual labor in the heat and the kids were just chilling on the stage it started to rain. At first the rain was light, like a drizzle. Just seeing the rain and thinking about the temperature dropping made me  so happy. My team and I decided that to escape the heat we could  crawl from under the stage and stand in the rain for a few moments. The second I felt the cool drops I knew that a few moments just wouldn’t cut it, it seemed that the other student volunteers had come to the same conclusion. Then the rain got harder and soon everyone looked like they had just jumped out of a pool. The kids started to join us in the rain too. Among others there were games of soccer, volleyball, tag, and monkey in the middle. Just playing with the kids was so much fun and the rain made it even better. I started to think about this too.  Not only were the citizens in Cambodia literally dancing in the rain they were also figuratively dancing and have been for a long time.

It started in 1975 with the Khmer Rouge. When Pol Pot took over and killed 3 million Cambodians it was obvious the storm had come. Many of the 4 million people who weren’t killed are still among us. These people have  learned how to live with what happened to them and their country. I have seen and met survivors of the Khmer Rouge and they are not only surviving, but thriving. Even though the “rain” is present, they are dancing.  The Cambodians I have spent the most time with have proven they can do the same. These kids we’re working with do not have hygienic living conditions. At the orphanage, there is a kitchen, a bathroom for the kids, a bathroom for the adults, a stage, a small farm, and two one room dormitories. The one room buildings surprised me the most. I walked in and within a matter of seconds was significantly hotter than  I was when I was standing outside. The building was made of wood and scrap metal and inside there were several bunk beds and mosquito nets. On either side of the door there are wooden cubbies holding the kids clothes. The girls’ one room living space fits 18 people and the boys’ fits 10. This was crazy to me, as sometimes I feel like my room is small and I don’t have to share with 17 other people. Seeing this made me realize just how privileged I am. As you can tell the living conditions are not ideal yet the kids all seem so happy. They smile and play as if everything were beyond wonderful. This is life and this is all they know. Despite their imperfect conditions they are perfect children who inspire me to dance in the rain.