Courage

Courage. This is the skill I practiced most in Cambodia. It started before I even left the United States. I was scared. Scared to leave everything I have ever known. I thought I would miss my family and was nervous that I wouldn’t create strong bonds with the children. Being away from home forced me to reach out to the kids more and now I know I have a Cambodian family. Being afraid that I wouldn’t connect with the children seems so illogical now. Even if I tried I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself from giving or receiving such a natural love. Even though it took courage to leave home, I am so glad that I did and took this opportunity.

It took courage to reach out. At first I wasn’t sure what the kids would think of me if I randomly grabbed their hand and told them I loved them. I thought they might find it odd I would just be cleaning their room when they woke up from their mid day naps. Despite my fear, I still branched out. I told every kid at the orphanage that I loved them. I deloused and bathed them; I did their dishes and laundry. After doing a few of the things I was afraid to do, I found out that the kids were just appreciative and loving. They were thankful for all the labor we did. When I reached out and had a conversation with the kids, it improved my work. I had a discussion with Ravey and I learned so much about her. Knowing who she was, what she used to have, what she has now, and her likes and dislikes made me feel like I knew exactly what she wanted. If I kept in mind what she wanted while I worked I had motivation to work harder and do the work the way they would like. I also know that if I didn’t branch out I never would’ve created such great relationships with the kids. Facing my fear gave me the opportunity to love deeply.

Teaching took courage. Standing in front of a classroom full of students who don’t speak the same language as you is frightening. Knowing that I had to keep everyone’s attention and make sure everyone was engaged the entire lesson made me nervous. I also felt pressure because I knew that I had to teach the kids something and find a way to make sure they understood what I was trying to say. Even so, teaching felt so good. When I started teaching colors in level one, they did not know their colors. They could identify yellow but that’s it. After about thirty minutes of practicing they could point out red, yellow, blue, green, and white. This made me feel so accomplished and happy. I felt accomplished because I could see that I actually taught them something. They developed a new skill because of me. I was happy for them. They learned something they could actually use. In Cambodia if you speak English, you will have many more job opportunities. I was glad that I was helping set them on the right path for a good job, and a better future.

Finally, leaving took the most courage. I love these kids so much and that will never change. While I was hugging Heang he looked up into my eyes and said, “I love you forever.” Looking at his beautiful, brown teary eyes and trying to process his relatable words was overwhelming. It felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest, and was as if the lump in my throat were the size of a baseball. I just wanted to be able to stay at the orphanage and remind the kids that I loved them every single day. Saying goodbye was so hard because I felt so close to the kids and knowing that I would never see them again felt so wrong. People say if you love something, you should let it go. But I didn’t want to let go, I wanted to hold on forever. Leaving took strength and courage, but I love the kids so much that I will never let them out of my heart.

~If you can have courage you can have experiences~

Happiness and Love

When I decided that I wanted to come to Cambodia it was because I wanted to help. I had and still have a drive to make other people’s lives better. I thought that traveling to a developing country and working with less fortunate children would be a fun way to give. Although, before coming to Cambodia I was unaware that this experience would help me so much. I am helping the kids physically, while they are helping me physiologically. Witnessing everything in Cambodia has put my life into perspective. After seeing the way the kids live, I realized how lucky I am. I can see now that I am fortunate to have a washing machine and clothes dryer. I have taken my air-conditioned house and my soft carpets for granted all my life. Having a varied and large selection of food is not something that everyone has. Living in an area with a trash-free ground and clean air is truly a blessing. My living conditions are fantastic; I am so lucky and now so thankful. In the same way, I have learned that happiness is a choice. No matter how much bad, there is always good. My friend Ravey, who I had a translated conversation with, had a hard story to tell. About two years ago, her father died of high blood pressure so her mother had to start working. Workers in Thailand have higher incomes than workers in Cambodia. Ravey’s mom decided to move herself and her four children to Thailand. They didn’t have passports so they snuck across the border. One day while Ravey and her two older brothers were working, police showed up and discovered that she and her brothers were in the country illegally. Ravey and her brothers were imprisoned for one month. The prison was one big room with about 200 prisoners. According to Ravey they were fed small portions and some people died of malnutrition. After they were released in Cambodia, they snuck back into Thailand where their mom and younger brother awaited them. Ravey, her mother, and her two older brothers had been working for about a year when Ravey’s mother decided that the situation wasn’t working. She thought that Ravey and her younger brother should be in better hands and have access to education. They found a great home. CPO is nice because it gives the kids the chance to attend school. Ravey says that she and her brother are happy now because they have access to good education and are not hungry. After her mother dropped them off at the orphanage, she snuck across the border again to continue working with the older brothers. Ravey was so open about her inspiring story. She told it to me without holding anything back. This made me feel so close to her because in order to share such personal and harsh information you must have a strong relationship. She showed happiness is a choice. Despite all the hardships that girl has faced, she is still so joyful. She greets me every morning with a huge smile and I have never seen her frown. She comes up to me and shouts my name while pulling me into a bear hug. Ravey is so excited and happy all the time, it is truly inspiring. She has taught me that all of my problems are small. That with every challenge there is brightness. Something positive can come from every situation. Ravey was grateful for everything that had happened to her because it got her to a point in her life where she has the chance to go to school. I will take this lesson home with me and apply it in my everyday life. No matter how big my problem feels or how many times I think that bad test score ruined my life I will remember to focus on the bright side. If I want to be happy I can choose to be happy every day. The kids have helped me understand what love is. They have shown me that you don’t need to know someone for a very long time to know that your love is true. I have been shown that if you really love someone, that love should be unconditional. No matter how many mistakes these kids make I will always love them. I have realized that although we don’t speak the same language the children and I understand each other. We don’t need to tell one another we love each other because we already know. You don’t need to talk to someone for hours and hours to know how they feel. You can show your emotions through actions rather than words. They have shown me how real and pure love can be. It can happen so quickly and leave a lasting impact. I will always remember these children and keep them in my heart. I can only hope they will keep me in their hearts too. I have only known these kids for about two weeks, yet I have learned so much from them. I love them more than almost anyone else in the world.