Putting my feelings into words is like communicating with people in Tanzania. I have to think so hard about all of the words in the English language I'm familiar with, so I choose the right ones to get my point across.
The feeling I have toward the children is one I find important to explain. I love my dog, I love my home, and I love music. Although, when I see these kids smile, laugh, and learn, it's different. I made a special connection with a boy named Prosper in class one. Every time we make eye contact his face lights up, so my heart does too. His smile is so big. It fills up my entire body. I know I'm filled with love, but it feels different and new. I don't have a word powerful enough to describe it. I feel like I am overflowing with powerful, powerful love. It's an amazing feeling and I want to share it. Therefore, I give the kids care and I work to show them that I believe. They are so tenacious, confident and I truly believe they can do anything. I give them this care and belief because I think it will make them feel full and loved.
Another feeling which is new to me, is the one I get when I believe I am making a difference. When I was teaching a math lesson in class one, a boy named Antony did not understand the content. The second I realized this, I worked through the math with him. While I found it difficult to explain something that seemed so simple to me, I knew I could not stop, this is because Antony is a bright student and I knew he could get it. I spent almost an entire class period explaining that when you subtract 17 from 42 you can borrow a 1 from the 4. Once he understood, I was overcome with that new feeling once again. It was something so simple but now he understands. Antony can do all subtraction problems where you need to borrow, simply because I cared enough to explain it; times like those feel like my moments. Moments where I believe in everything I am working for and know I truly have a purpose. Even though it was new, because I felt it, I will never unfeel it.
The final foreign emotion comes from leaving the people of L.O.A.M.O. Often when people feel homesick I can't relate because I can go for long periods of time without really missing anything. With these children, that is not the case. When leaving the children I felt like my lungs were tied in knots. I couldn't breathe because it feels like something is missing without their physical presence. Now that they are gone, I truly miss them, I would do anything to be around them. Even while experiencing the culture of Tanzania through wonderful excusrions, I would still leave to be with them. There hasn't been a single second where I wouldn't be willing to drop everything to go back and teach. The feeling of honestly missing people, the way I miss them, is very new.
I have felt many different emotions over the past two weeks. I am pleased with the work I have done though. I know for sure all of the efforts I put in were worth it. The efforts have taught me lessons I'm bringing home with me; every second I spend in a classroom, I will now work to understand the content as hard L.O.A.M.O's students do. I know when I understand something new I can help my teachers get a taste of the purposeful feeling that everyone deserves. I will never forget these inspiring kids and, even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to forget the way they have made me feel.
