Emotions

Why? Why do people have to live this way? Why aren’t we helping them? Why isn’t anyone else helping them? Why haven’t they picked up some of this trash? These are only a few of the questions I had while I was walking through Andong Village to the preschool. On the way to the preschool, there is trash and dirty water coating the entire ground. If you are not inside it is nearly impossible to take a step without standing on trash. The stench is very strong. People live in small wooden buildings, stuffing as many people as possible into their available space. I cannot imagine living this way, it made me wonder why these people weren’t being helped. I was confused how these living conditions were acceptable. It was very different from the way I have lived my whole life. Then I felt discouraged, it is not fair. No one should have to live like that especially not the people who offer warm smiles to strangers. It seemed so wrong and I even felt guilty because I live so comfortably with almost everything I have ever wanted. I was mad, not at myself, but at the situation because I couldn’t offer anything more than a bright smile and a welcoming wave to these beautiful people. I realized that being angry was illogical because it wasn’t going to make the situation any better. After taking a few moments to calm down I realized I felt sadness. The people living in discomfort and trash made me feel this unexplainable heaviness. It started with my heart. My heart dropped and it became hard to breathe. It then moved to the rest of my body. My limbs were heavy to the point where just taking a step became a struggle. That feeling of being helpless also made me unhappy. When we got to the preschool I felt the way I have felt the majority of this trip; happy. Every time I see the kids at the orphanage, school, or preschool I get a feeling of pure joy. I feel joy in a way I have never experienced before. The kids have eyes that sparkle with great intensity. When they see us arriving at the orphanage their faces light up and they smile wider than I thought possible. This fills me with excitement and happiness daily. Despite anything that might be going on the kids have chosen to live and be present. These kids are so happy and their moods are contagious. Every time I see their faces I can’t keep the smile from spreading ear to ear on my own face. The bonds we have created with the children are like nothing I have ever seen, or been a part of before. There’s this mutual feeling of unconditional love. It’s amazing to me because we are unable to carry out a full conversation, yet I know them all well and would take a bullet for every one of them. The love I share with them is in it’s most pure form and sharing it with them feels so natural. Not only do I feel love for them, I also feel love from them. The way their faces light up when they see us makes me feel so important and cared for. I am very thankful for their happiness. They have taught me that in every situation, no matter how rough, it is always possible to be joyful and share love.