Believe

"Whether you believe that you can, or you believe that you can not, you are right." If you truly believe in something, it means you are committed to it. It means you put your heart and soul into something you believe to be true. The people of Arusha have such strong souls, they show me what it looks like to believe.
 Teacher Lilian believes in herself. Unlike anyone I've ever met, Lilian believes in three versions of herself. She believes in her past self, her current self, and her future self.
 Lilian went through primary and secondary school in Moshi, Tanzania. She attended college and studied to become a teacher. While she was in college, both of her parents became ill. Her father died in 2002 and her mother died in 2007. She got married in 2008. Lilian and her husband moved to Arusha together and built their home. In Arusha Lilian teaches at L.O.A.M.O. She teaches class one and last week, I had the honor of working with her. Lilian and her husband have two children together. They have a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 7 year old boy. Lilian's teaching job supports her two children, her unemployed husband, and herself. In addition, Lilian supported her 5 younger sisters after their mother passed.
 As I mentioned before, Lilian believed in her past self. When she told us her life story, she sounded very proud. She was happy with every decision she made. Her tone of voice when she talked about attending school showed me how appreciative she was for her education. Her decision to study and become a teacher, was one she believed in. She told us she was happy for her job because it provides for her family. She believed that her past self knew, becoming a teacher was a good decision. She enjoys teaching young children. This is because they are forgiving and impressionable. Lilian believes her choice to teach younger children was well thought out.
 Lilian believes in her present self. She knows that she can give something to the students she teaches. Lilian works extremely hard at school and at home to be the best she can be. She knows when she comes home from a hard day of work, she can cook for her kids, she can clean up after them, and she can give them love. She believes she can, so she does.
 Not only does Lilian believe in every choice she has made and her ability to work, she believes in the things she is going to do. She plans for the future. Lilian writes out her lesson plans and prepares to teach her class. She believes she will help the kids in the future so she prepares every day. She also has plans for her husband and land. She plans to help her husband through school so he can become a driver. She believes that her future self will be faithful and supportive. She wants to build more one-room houses on her land and rent them out, so her land is more lucrative. She knows that later in life she can do even more to help her family.
 On a different home visit, our group met another woman named Lilian. This woman was blind. When she had her first child, Ebenezer, her partner took the baby away from her. Less than a year after her first child was born, Lilian was impregnated again. Just like Ebenezer, the second child, Enoch, was stolen from her. I can not fathom being taken from my family. Emotionally that experience could break anyone. Lilian did not break though, she kept fighting for her children. Both of the boys were kept as slaves for 10 years. It wasn't until one of the boys was kicked in the head by a cow that she decided her children's lives were too unsafe. The conditions were so severe, a mother who is blind could see their suffering was too much. She knew that their lives would be better if they lived in her half-room house with a single parent that can not see. So many people could say Lillian is an unfit individual to care for two children on her own. She would be proving them worng though, because she is showing her kids how they deserve to be treated.
 Lillian is such a strong believer in God. She believes He is watching her and that He is always with her. Lillian prays a few times every day. She said when her prayers aren't answered, God is testing her. She believes He is making sure she is loyal. She believes in God because her prayers are often answered. When she would pray for food, God would shine through her neighbors and they would bring her food out of generosity.
 I am not a very religious person. I do not attend church at home. Although, Lillian's story made me believe. Maybe not in a God, but definitely in something larger than myself. I believe that some kind of higher power was helping Lillian survive through her hardest times. What that higher power is or how it works, I have no idea.  If that higher power can help out people in need, could it control who is born into what conditions? Why did I get so lucky? I do not know, I may never know. What I do know, though, is that now I strongly believe in something above me.
 Teacher Lilian and Lillian live in harsh conditions and do not live simple lives. Even so, both women believed in something with such a deep passion. They were proof to me that if you work hard and continue to believe, you can accomplish anything.